It'll Never Fly

Take a look at those coke bottles! It only just occurred to me within the last day or two that the red mark on my right cheek might be related to me needing to wear glasses. Nah, probably just a coincidence.

I’m really starting to get sick of looking at that same haircut, day after day. Imagine how sick of it I was walking around with it, year after year. My grandmother cut my hair for me back then, and I don’t mean to disrespect her, especially since she’s now passed away. She was a hairdresser in her formative years (probably where she honed her gossiping skills), but it’s not exactly an exciting haircut. I asked her once to give me a haircut several year later, as I was strapped for cash at the time, and I ended up with the exact same haircut.

I don’t have much else to say about this one.

Can you tell my parents had just been to China? Dad’s a faculty member at the University of Regina (he’s been the Head of the Computer Science department, off and on, for a fair majority of his term, and is currently still filling that position, for just a little while longer anyway), and our family is well connected to the Chinese community. My parents were part of a group that travelled to China in 1984 in an effort, I believe, to blossom relationships and so on (I won’t go into detail, mostly because I don’t know or remember them). Long story short, Jinan, the capital of Shandong province, is Regina’s sister city. They’ve since gone back many times over the years, Mom especially.

(BTW, if you ever bump into Dad, make sure to tell him how much he looks like the fantasy writer, George R. R. Martin. He loves hearing that…)

This picture also marks the beginning of the epic mystery of the origin of the red mark on the upper part of my right cheek. I have a theory of what caused it, and Mom has a completely different one. Regardless (or irregardless, whichever you prefer), as you’ll see over the next several days, it lasted for years.

See! They’re gone.

Alright, so movie star might be out of the question now (It’s all downhill from here, folks), but I’ve got the hockey player look down pat. Plus, I’ve got a haircut a modern-day skateboarder would kill for.

I look like a scrapper, don’t I? I remember getting into a couple of fights back then in grade two. I don’t think it was because of the red piping on my sweatshirt. As I recall it, during recess, Teddy Kopchuk and I both wanted to be Soundwave… I won. I hear he’s turned into a huge muscle guy now. I don’t think I’m to blame.

(That reminds me of some good school yard stories I’ll have to tell sometime.)

By the way… the sweat shirt gear? That, and sweat pants, pretty much became my standard attire for the rest of my elementary school days (and the first year or two of high school). What was I thinking…!? Well, I really got tired of the “vvvvt, vvvvt, vvvvt” noises my brown corduroys kept making.

My mom openly admits this is her favourite picture of me. I imagine her copy is neither torn nor taped together… I wouldn’t read very much into that tear; I did it myself while putting it in my cheap brittle plastic novelty frame that housed all my school portraits. I’m sure you all had one. Maybe you didn’t use it, but you probably had one. It might’ve been in the shape of a school, with each window being a picture frame, or possibly in the shape of a book. Mine was in the shape of a school bus, which is weird, as I never rode on school buses, except on field trips. Oh well…

I’ll admit, tear and tape aside, it is a pretty good picture. I was clearly destined for fame and fortune as a movie star or sports legend with those devilishly good looks. Not sure who the Oilers gear came from. I had a Canadiens sweatshirt, too, that I remember wearing all the time. I’ve never known Mom or Pop to be big hockey nuts, so it must’ve been a grandparent. Thus, it was either my Dad’s Mom, who was a huge sports freak, or my other Grandma, and it was a bargain. Or quite possibly, given the climate in Canada at the time, it was one of the only clothes you could buy.

And, hey, it looks like I’ve moved a little ways out of the forest. The bowl cut is still evident, though (which was the style at the time). One of the few pictures you’ll ever see of me with my mouth even slightly open. Still had my baby teeth. Those’ll be gone by next year.

a.k.a. Who’s a pretty narcissist, then?

Oh sure, I could post a cute picture of myself on my birthday and be done with it, like some people. Or I could even give the special day a name, like some other people. Nah, neither of those would do this particular day any justice at all.

So in keeping with the tradition of all things that are sacred and holy, I present to you the Bobvent Calendar of the Twelve Days of Bobtober leading up to Bobtoberfest. Given that there are twelve days of Bobtober, my birthday is on the 12th, and generally speaking there are roughly twelve years of school that have a Picture Day which most kids have to go through, I will be posting each school year’s Picture Day picture of myself.

Today we have my kindergarten picture, and the beginning of the 80’s (1981, if my calculations are correct). Brown was still stylish, and bowl cuts were in. And apparently, for some reason, I’m clearly sitting on a tree stump in the middle of a forest somewhere, as is evident by the background.

Ain’t I a stinker? I look like I belong on the jacket cover of The Omen.

Update: Random Facts: 1.) The Omen came out in 1976. 2.) I “came out” (i.e. was born) in 1976. 3.) Damien was 5 years old in the movie. 4.) I was 5 years old in that picture. 5.) Patrick Troughton was in The Omen. 6.) Patrick Troughton was in “Doctor Who” as the second Doctor. 7.) Patrick Troughton is my second favourite Doctor. 8.) Bob is spelled the same way forwards as it is backwards. Coincidence? I think not!